The misery of free time

Or, struggling to manage myself (Part 1)

Since my contract ended as advisor on Planning, Monitoring and Evaluation at KontraS on the 1st of May, I have had time off. I knew from the beginning my posting (by Togetthere) would only be for 18 months and had come up with the idea to write a novel about my family. I was inspired by Eat, Pray, Love, I guess, and envisioned a little house between Balinese rice fields where I would write for 3 months. After doing some initial research (interviewing some family members), I decided not to write the book. At least, not now. It's a great story, but too much to handle (believe me!). Jokingly I told my nephew, who had been helping me, that only he would be able to tell the story of how his aunt went insane, if I'd continue.

Sorry grandma, no 'Wild Swans' about you

No book then. But the idea of taking 3 months for myself still sounded very good. As my boyfriend was planning to start an online business, I figured we could do what Tim Ferriss advises us all to do: work remotely and take a mini retirement. That is, in short, how we ended up in Hanoi. After enjoying a holiday by the beach, writing out my notes and reports for Togetthere and going around Vietnam with my dad, I have now been behind my computer for a week and a half. You're probably wishing you could take a break from it all and take a few months to do anything you like. Well, I can tell you: this freedom is a pain!

All set to work!

Every day I have a new idea of what I could do or a different approach to what my life should look like. Do I want to do something meaningful or make buckets of cash? Or should I just try to find a niche to make some passive income on? This way, I'd have enough money to live from and could use all my time helping other people. Or should I start a social enterprise? Maybe I should just be a consultant in monitoring and evaluation, or a writer of blogs on coffee, or a remote English teacher for Indonesians. The web provides loads of inspirational material, but it's overwhelming too. Can I be as good as Salman Khan? Am I really the first female lifestyle designer? "Neh, don't be silly", my Dutch calvinist brain says (constantly), "Just act normal, that's crazy enough". Then another hour of browsing for a safe 9-5 job begins. For all my life, I've been trained to do what other people wanted me to do: homework at school, tasks at work. Now that I choose to be my own manager, I just cannot decide on what to do. 

Activists in Jakarta - they know what to fight for

Yes, I know: I have to not be too critical about my own ideas and set small goals for myself (I have read every single blog about this topic!). But the lizard brain is at work. As Seth Godin tells us, we all have a part of our brain that will resist to anything scary. In this case, I can tell you: I am scared shitless. I want to contribute to something bigger and I want everybody in the world to like it. Just the thought of you thinking "What is this girl doing?!" makes me want to hide my head under a pillow for the rest of the day. Instead of doing that, I have decided to drag you along with me. With this post I am starting a new series keeping you updated on my progress. Stay tuned for my next post! 

Any advise? Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!

On emancipation

Every once in a while I have the same discussion, with different people though - not too long ago I had one on my Facebook wall - about women and careers. Is it so that there are too few women in high places, because society makes it so hard for them to get there? Or is it that women just don't want to face their own fears and fight their way to the top? Or maybe most women are just not that ambitious? I often fear the latter.

Up until now, I find it a truly confusing debate only getting stranger as my friends and acquaintances are having babies and my own biological clock is supposedly ticking. I see women losing all interest in their work or ambitions from their pregnancies way past their maternity leave. I hear some women say it may be easier when you have a child, since then there would not be so much pressure to succeed outside of motherhood (mindboggling, I tell you). The need to nurture is bigger than the need to do anything else it seems. Or maybe not?

Fortunately, I do also know some women that stay their ambitious selves despite their motherhood and that seek for a balance of the different roles they have in life: mother, wife, manager, friend. No offense: if your one goal in life has been to be a mother; enjoy it, be a great mom! But if you, as a little girl dreamed of having your own company or being the head of a school, why trash these dreams now that you have children?

Is it really because it is still so difficult for women to access the real playing field? This talk by Sheryl Sandberg says a lot about how women position themselves and how society takes certain behavior for granted. It gives me hope that a combination between motherhood and a career is possible. Also, it gives me the hope that women are more ambitious than I see most of them to be.



Nice detail: she mentions that studies show that households with equal earning and equal responsibility have half the divorce rates and apparently also have a better sexual life. Where did she get this data?